Let's Talk About The Last Episode

 

Let's talk a little bit about the last episode I made. If you haven't heard it yet you can hear it here on the page. It was very important that I spoke about my epilepsy and basically how things have turned for me due to it. Nevertheless I wanted to come out and talk a bit further about it. And also clarify some things that I may not have or get to answering possible questions you may have. Like in the podcast going back as far as I could remember I was roughly 9 years old when I can recall the "Not feeling good" feeling that I now tie into moments before having an episode. Though the right term to call them is aura's. 

The truth of the fact is that I didn't grow up in a household that cared much about health. If anything is more like "Get up! And man up!"; There was truly and rarely moments of true care for our health. Unless we broke something or there was blood, the hospital was basically an afterthought for my parents. Now just to make it known I love them very much. And they have changed a lot as we became adults. My mother and I bumped heads a lot during my teenage years and it got ugly in a lot of cases. But we've both forgiven each other in a way we can only understand. We are super close yet far now. She's back home in Philadelphia and I'm in Florida. I'm not much to talk over the phone. But when we do talk we make up for the time we didn't. 

With this epilepsy sometimes I wish my parents would've attacked it earlier. Yet, I possibly could've done a better job as well being young to tell them what I was feeling as well. The truth of the matter is that many things could've gone different. And to be quite honest I wish did. But it didn't and that doesn't mean that it didn't happen for no reason. The older I got the more I learned to deal with it. Clearly before my wife as I stated in the podcast I didn't know what was actually going on with me. Yet, I learned how to deal with it in my own ways. I didn't feel good? Find the closest room that no one was in. Lock myself in there, pass out, get up, and go about my day like nothing ever happened. 

I look now though, and even then when I accepted Jesus and hoped to be healed. I learned that it's not in my time and it is not my will that I live for. I have faith in God, and know that He is capable of all things and can do all things (Matthew 19:26). I also know that He wants to heal us like when Jesus was here during His ministry healing the sick and so on. The truth and the thing I've come to accept is that God is greater than me and anything else in this world. He is the creator heaven and earth and all in it. We can not put God in a box and think we can understand or even think exactly the way that God thinks. 

There are people that believe that my epilepsy is due to a demon. Though after reading scripture not everything is one and not every epileptic has one either (Matthew 4:24). I use this verse as a showing because it shows us that there are things that don't fall or at least always falls in demonic oppression or possessions. The fact is that only God knows why I haven't been healed yet, or if I will ever be healed. The truth is that God will always be in full control. And I have accepted that. I will continue to worship and praise Him through it all. Because without Him there is no me, without Him there is no eternal life. Because without Jesus there would be no way to His presence after death. 

I hope you read this and understand something very important. Sometimes, things don't go our way. Sometimes we ask ourselves "Why God am I like this? Why am I sick? Do You even love me?" I've been there before. And more times than I should have been. This day though, and for some time now. I can honestly say that I'm okay. I'm okay with whatever God has instore for me. It's not for me to understand, but for me to follow wherever God wants me to move to. To be obedient even if it's hard and it feels like my health won't allow me. Because there's a reason behind it all that I don't know; and just care to follow and live for the Lord.